Anonymous said: I could never ask you this as myself, so here goes my anonymous question: how am I supposed to think I'm sexy when everyone only wants to fuck skinny girls?
Not sure why I get these serious asks since I don’t purport to be anything but a struggling middle-age actor, but I will try to answer from my perspective.
First off, anon, feeling sexy based on how you think other people perceive you (or don’t) isn’t a healthy starting point. You are born alone and you die alone. While here, best to live your life as you see fit. Part of that is choosing how you want to feel. Emotions are reactions. We can’t choose all that happens to us, but we certainly can choose how we react to those things (with practice, discipline and self-awareness). The question is, do YOU want to feel sexy? Have you looked in a mirror and loved yourself for who you are? Do you masturbate? (Seriously. Self gratification can be more than just getting off - it can be an act of self-love - nothing wrong with that - try it sometime.)
Now lets get macro. Skinny girls are where our culture has placed the emphasis. This is, in part, due to Madison Avenue trying to sell to the largest buying segment - youth. We have become obsessed with it so that translates into elevating the most youthful figures as sexualized ideals (sex sells/selling to the youth/selling to those who want youth) That’s why models start at 12 years of age! But, take a time machine back 150 years ago and the sexy ideal was a NATURAL woman with many curves. Nobody dug the skinny girls then. Wonder if they felt sexy?
Okay, back to your question. More to the point: is getting fucked the only way to feel sexy? How about admiration for your other qualities? Like your intelligence or humor? Those are sexy things, baby. See, if every guy wanted to fuck you because you had the ideal body weight, pretty sure you’d get sick of it and feel like a piece of meat, not sexy.
Your question is also generalizing. Not all men wanna fuck skinny girls. A lot do, but not all. I see plenty of “thick” “full bodied” “voluptuous” women in relationships with men. And many more probably get no-strings sex. Here’s a thought: did some of them attract these men because they were confident and loved who they were? Did they already feel sexy, thus, sending out that sexy vibe?
Side note: Do you watch Louie on FX? The fat lady episode is excellent. Aside from the great points the show makes, the actress in it is short and fat. And sexy! She beams confidence and intelligence and humor. That’s part of the episodes irony.
Now, let’s get physical. (Cue 80’s Olivia Newton John) Are you at your healthy weight? In other words, are you within your natural body type? If so, then my advice is all above this paragraph. If you are actually struggling with weight then that means you’re also struggling with health issues. Hard to feel sexy if you’re unhealthy. The best thing you can do for your self-esteem (and longevity on this planet) is to change your lifestyle (eating and exercise). That will bring you back into your NATURAL body type (whatever that is - may not be Kate “give me some fries” Moss, but will be the REAL YOU and a HEALTHY YOU!)
Let’s say you are struggling with weight, etc. Say you change your eating and exercise and get back into your body type’s healthy range. And then, say, you still see these guys pining for pre-pubescent skinny chicks. Are you still not sexy because of that shit? See how placing your identity (sexiness, in this case) in the hands of strangers is a no-win proposition? You live your life by the whims of others. You’re not living your life. You’re loaning it out to the culture. Get it?
So, I say to you that you ARE sexy if you want to be. Focus your attention on yourself and loving who you are. Bettering yourself in healthy ways. Be your best friend. Find things to be passionate about. Feed your head. Laugh loudly and often. All that will exude the true sexy you. And that, in turn, will attract people worth your time.
Last part of my comic ‘Hearts for Sale’
Read Part 1/ Part 2
This might not be what you expected. I’m sorry to keep a lot of questions unanswered. I hope you can fill in the gaps for yourself.
How did you like my story? What do you think it all means? Please do share your experiences and thoughts, I would love to hear them! I have three different theories myself and if you want I can make a post collecting all theories? Thank you for all your support! Your lovely messages are a huge motivation to me!
A printed version will be available soon. (See here for more information)
And so I complete my year-long N Days of X project.
I can’t seem to think of what else to post here, so I think I’ll give this one a rest of sorts. LOL